“What You Went Through Isn’t Traumatic.”

Actually, it is, and it’s called betrayal trauma.

Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

For the last three years, I’ve been downplaying my traumatic events to myself because I was a firm believer that what I went through wasn’t “traumatic” enough to be trauma.

But after several years of processing and healing, I realize what I went through was exactly that: trauma.

According to psychologist Jennifer Freyd, betrayal trauma is defined as “situations where people or institutions in which a person relies heavily for protection, resources, and survival violate the trust or well-being of that person”. While it is most commonly seen in abusive parents or infidelity, betrayal trauma is not limited to these. They can be seen in any type of dynamic including friendships, work relationships, or an institutional establishment.

It is the equivalent of getting a swift punch to the gut from someone you wholeheartedly loved and trust.

When I was a sophomore in college, I was sexually assaulted by a guy at a party (in front of all his teammates), then again the following night by my boyfriend at the time. Not to worry though, for obvious reasons we broke up.

While these events were obviously traumatic in and of themselves, the rapes were not what hit me the hardest…